Chi: and How to Control Your Shot

JAGUAR SKILLS: HO! So Doc, you know I’m a player, right? I mean, I get all the girls, man - I’m a super star Hip-Hop playboy - the ladies love me dude...It’s crazy. But, erm, I’m wondering, what if you’re checking a girl and well, you’re coming too soon. That can be embarrassing for a Rapper, right? So what’s the deal with that? Come on Doc, help a brother out.
BAREFOOT DOCTOR: It’s a kidney energy thing - and probably happening because you are such a player - all that energy you’re putting out there being the dude may be pulling on energy reserves in your kidneys, which over time depletes them. When your kidney energy is strong you can keep going for as long as you like but when it’s not, no matter how much you think you’ve got things under control, you come at the drop of a hat.

Best thing to do is to squeeze and release the muscle between your legs (that muscle you would use if you needed to stop pissing part way through – Ed) 81 times 3 times a day for three days and get hold of some “Job’s Tears” (herbs from oriental herb shop) and drink three cups of tea of it daily. Alternatively get hold of some Chinese herbal erection boosting capsules off the internet which work the same way on the kidney energy. Finally, whilst in the midst of the act, be sure to breathe very slowly throughout as this puts you in command of the tempo of your mind and that puts your mind in command of the tempo of your climax. On the other hand at no time waste even more precious kidney energy worrying about it (worrying depletes kidney chi) instead forgive yourself for being human.

JS: Thanks man...oh, but check it. This girl gave me the karma sutra to read. It’s like, i don’t need to read that man. Come on, I’m the mack, right? Anyway, I threw that shit out, but now I’m going out with this chick who does all that tantra sex biznizz. and it’s like, I want to impress her man. So Doc, what’s the best move? I mean, I want to pull some ol’ gung fu sex move on her. Ya know one?
BD: OK, spend a lot of time being perfectly still with your glans (helmet) just inside her vaginal opening, gazing into her eyes, breathing slowly together, with one finger touching her lightly at the base of her spine. After many minutes, pull out almost completely then thrust two inches inside and hold still again as before. Then pull out almost completely and thrust four inches and so on. When you’re all the way in, remain completely still for quite a while, pulsating inside her - at this point if she knows what she’s doing, which she probably won’t, but anyway, because it’s usually all talk this tantra business, she’ll start using her vaginal wall muscles to massage your shaft. Very important not to move and to breathe slowly now in case you come by surprise. Once you’re really settled, pull out almost all the way, then thrust all the way in and repeat at least 18 times - that should cause some serious sparks.

JS: Man, you’re the don. I’ll try that one right there! Oh...oh, listen, I’m smoking a lot of ganga at the moment. Would that effect my skills in bed?
BD: Yes, excessive use of pot depletes the kidney energy, which is what controls your sexual energy levels in general. You could counteract this by also drinking three strong cups of nettle tea a day (from a healthshop) and doing some kind of regular daily exercise preferably something like taichi to give your kidney region lots of movement.
JS: Ah - so it’s all about the gung-fu, right? I should learn some shit, init? So Tai-Chi, that’s what those old chinese dudes do in the park, right? Hey, will I be able to kick someone’s ass with that?
BD: Yes, you’ll be able to kick anyone’s ass with that with aplomb, but it does take quite a while to learn to do it properly with chi. It doesn’t use external strength, it uses the power of the mind, channeled and focused through the hands or feet, but it has an even greater benefit than just being able to kick peoples’ ass with aplomb. It also makes you healthy, balanced, calm, powerful, charismatic, magnetic, enlightened, clear, creative, damn sexy, generally wonderful, modest and humble; just like me, in fact.

JS: Shit Doc, you’re the don! Listen, before I jet, you know any pressure point’s you could press that could make some one better
between the sheets?
BD: Yes. In the perineum between the legs  muscle just behind testicles/vaginal opening stimulates flow of generative sexual force and helps you maintain deep thrust action for longer.
JS: A pressure point to make you better looking?
BD: Centre of the forehead just above the bridge of the nose to relax the face which always makes you look your best. Though for real change you need to stretch the face rhythmically every day.
JS: Is there one to press to make you a better emcee?
BD: Sure. Just up under chin into the muscle in the direction of the roof of the mouth. This loosens the vocal chords and relaxes the throat to make the voice smoother and more fluid.

JS: Thanks D. I’m sure this will change the Hip-Hop world forever! Check you soon Doc, peace! HO!
BD: Ohm.

BAREFOOT DOCTOR’S  book “108 Blessings” is out now. Published by Harper Collins.

Be sure to check his web-site  for all your daily chi training!
www.barefootdoctorworld.co.uk