Royal Flush

I’m pretty much known to be a video poker fiend. At all the poppin’ clubs you can usually find MyG on a machine with thousands of credits. Cashing out is a whole other story. I’d have to say the most popular words my homies tell me when they see me is, “MyG cash the f**k out,” but having all those credits is just the cushion I need to keep it movin’. Double up. Double up until you max the machine. Automatic cash out is right around 2,000 credits, and it won’t let you double up anymore. Also, the machine will automatically cash you a slip when you hit 5,000 credits which is $1,250. I’ve done it numerous times. Of course the “Royal Flush” is the magnum opus you want to reach. That pays 2,400 credits which is $600. You used to be able to double a Royal, but not no more. They cut it off because all the die hard heads were bubblin’. Scared money makes none, that’s the motto.
 
Now of course you say: “This success story is off the leash. Teach me.” It’s not all peaches and cream. I’ve lost my ass before. One time $2,000 in one day. The machines were ice cold that day. I drove home a huge loser and instantly hit the streets to get my bread back any which way I could to justify acting so foolish and squandering so much energy. It’s crazy the things you try to justify when you lose bread. Well, five beers for $40 (even though I knew the bartender and got ‘em free). I just got a box from Gravis, four pairs of shoes, that’s $200. Yeah could’ve been, but a cat got plugs. Anyway you get the point.

I used to dream about video poker, hear the noises in my sleep. Credits cashing out has this crazy annoying beep beep beep. But it’s the sound of $$$$, and we love $$$$. Each beep is a quarter. Shit adds up. Well, besides the fact that it can make you a complete non-social hypnotized druid, it can turn your life into complete hell. I’ve heard stories of doctors and lawyers draining six-figures and losing it all - their jobs, wives, houses, everything. But it’s a legal, voluntary trap for one’s demise. Self-control is the key to trying to double up your paper. But hey, if you got it, play the game. Charles Barkley lost $10 million. I guess some of us have it to lose. Quick cash goes fast - a disturbing truth.

On a lighter note, if you just moderately play to keep you and your buddies drinking - hell yeah, play on playa’. But if you’re trying to break the bank like most die-hard, compulsive, obsessive gamblers out there, stay composed and on top of your game.

If you come to Oregon and decide you want to shoot a twamp in a machine, I recommend the sit-downs. The stand-ups were designed a little more recently and Oregon Lotto stepped their game up so it’s basically impossible to beat the machines. Oregon Lotto hires the top graduates fresh out of the finest colleges with PhDs and basically Nobel Peace Prizes in psychology and how human brains work to program these suckers. If I go left twice you will probably go right the third time (when you’re attempting to double up you get two chances, 50/50, left or right). Most of the time, just keep hitting the same side. Trick dat bitch!!
 
What’s real crazy out here, there is this joint called Maddy’s, a strictly video poker facility. There’s nothing in there but an employee and poker machines with a cooler of drinks.  Mostly, you will find the elderly squandering their pensions, or die-hard Asian mathematicians in a trance following a pattern scheme. I know a few Asians that kill it. It’s all math, baby.
 
In final thought, there are lots of paths you can take in life. If you choose to go to Portland and you are at a strip club or restaurant and you see a video poker machine, shoot a five. Screw it. You might lose. You might hit it big. You might turn your five into 40 and you can say you had a good night, drank for free, and ate for free. What a lovely feeling. Or you lost it all. At least you gave it a shot and didn’t keep feeding it money like most video crack heads. Look at me. I turned it into my record label logo, and all the heads say: “Yep. Perfect. That logo fits MyG and the rest of the crew who all gamble with freedom, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”