Thursday
Dec272012

Carnal Confessions: Hoe Hoe Hoe

HOE HOE HOE

The holidays can be a particularly vulnerable time of year for my friends and I. Maybe it’s all the feelings we eat that make us feel like fucking heifers… or all the layers of clothing that excuse us from trimming our trees often… or maybe it’s just the presence of excessively cheerful relatives that remind us we have nothing to be that cheerful about. Whatever the reason, the spirit of Christmas has the tendency to make us feel completely un-bang-able.

This year, however, we decided to ditch the pity party, pick up our rusty razors and get kinky with Kris Kringle. One friend stuffed our stockings with vibrators and anal beads. Another took it a bit far and gifted blowjobs at her office holiday party. I had a portrait made of myself wearing nothing but a Santa hat (I also asked for bigger tits and some semblance of an ass). I sent it out as Christmas cards and for a select few I brought the portrait to life (sans bigger tits and some semblance of an ass).

Whether it’s making out under the mistletoe or fucking by the fireplace, the holidays (especially one as holy as Christmas) are the perfect opportunity to give back — especially to those that give you expensive presents.